Hummus Illustrated

On September 12th Apple revealed their new concept for the IPhone X. The new phone does away with the home button in favor of having the entire front of the phone be comprised of screen. To unlock the phone it will instead utilize facial recognition technology. Questions have been raised over the legitimacy of such technology, but has assured its patrons that there is a one in a million chance that it could unlock for someone else . It uses the newest technology, and it updates regularly which means that the IPhone will recognize you after you can no longer  recognize your own grandchildren. Having a screen comprising the entirety of the front means that you will have 5.8 inches of beautiful picture when you Skype your family. After you successfully call them on the third attempt, and then think you called the wrong number because you don't recognize the face on the other side. You can rest knowing your tears will fall on the biggest screen the IPhone has yet to offer.

Faux News is Good News: Cardigans for Cadavers Originally published on MaceandCrown.com   A new charity is gaining steam after a parents organization in Warren County, KY decided to take matters into its own hands. A local mothers group, Curators over Whatever ( C.O.W. ) , noticed that the conditions in the local morgue were less than satisfactory. “We went in last Thursday with the intent to oversee the process for ourselves; as we do with all other official offices within the city limits, and we were deeply disturbed” said local C.O.W. Janet Wyner. “The entire place was deathly cold and we all agreed that this simply would not do.” With new motivators in place the C.O.W.s focused their collected attentions on a plausible solution to the issue at hand. “There was quite a bit at stake. We had to accommodate for the chilling atmosphere of the morgue and also make it a more pleasant and inviting atmosphere for all,” she said. “We decided that the easiest course of actio

Faux News is Good News: Shocking Revelation from Controversial Religious Organization Originally published on MaceandCrown.com On Wednesday, during a press conference at their headquarters in Topeka KS., the Westboro Baptist Church revealed to thousands of onlookers that they had never actually been, a religious organization. “When we first stepped into public view we had an idea of the message we wanted to get across, but it appears that our ideals have been misconstrued by the media and others who have made it abundantly clear that they disagree with what we evidentially stand for.”, said Vernon Hel, representative for organization and leader for a majority of their demonstrations. “That is why we’re going to return to our origins as an experimental performance art group.” Naturally this revelation was met with some trepidation and concerned looks from the crowd. Some of the onlookers, mostly those who sided with their implied ideology, were angry about having

Faux News is Good News: Fort Knox Houses New Backing of US Dollar Originially Published on Maceandcrown.com Over the past decade many Americans have grown wary of the stability of the US economy. After the depression caused by 2007’s housing crisis many Americans have had to live in the aftermath of the of the recession and struggle to make ends meet. For years most Americans have grown distrustful with the federal government and the treasury’s ability to maintain the US economic standard and many think that may never be possible ever since the US completely abandoned the gold standard in 1971. However, Fort Knox recently opened their doors to a select group of reporters to assure the American public that their financial future is well secured. Fort Knox has long been rumored to be the holding place of America’s gold supply. These rumors are well fortified in popular culture by films such as “Goldfinger” and the cult classic “Laurel and Hardy Meet the Military Police.