Faux News is Good News: Cardigans for Cadavers
Originally published on MaceandCrown.com
A new charity is gaining steam after
a parents organization in Warren County, KY decided to take matters into its
own hands. A local mothers group, Curators over Whatever (C.O.W.),
noticed that the conditions in the local morgue were less than satisfactory.
“We went in last Thursday with the
intent to oversee the process for ourselves; as we do with all other official
offices within the city limits, and we were deeply disturbed” said local C.O.W.
Janet Wyner. “The entire place was deathly cold and we all agreed that this
simply would not do.” With new motivators in place the C.O.W.s focused their
collected attentions on a plausible solution to the issue at hand.
“There was quite a bit at stake. We
had to accommodate for the chilling atmosphere of the morgue and also make it a
more pleasant and inviting atmosphere for all,” she said. “We decided that the
easiest course of action would be to give all of the deceased sweaters.”
Once they knew what they had to do
then came the hard part of naming the endeavor.
“We went through about 20 or so
possible names. Sweaters for stiffs, Dickies for the deceased, coats for
corpses. Whatever it was it had to have the same alliterative appeal that Toys
for Tots had,” Wyner said.
Five weeks after their initial
encounter at the morgue, the new charity, Cardigans for Cadavers, came forth
and provided all of the recently deceased with sweaters to combat the frigid
conditions in the county morgue.
“You should have seen the looks on
their faces when we gave them their sweaters. They were absolutely speechless.
In fact they said absolutely nothing, but that’s gratitude for you. I fully
think that beneath their cold exterior they were glad that we came that day,”
she said.
The C.O.W.s were quickly herded out
of the morgue by the attending staff. A nearby family, that was in there on
official matters, looked on with an air of morbidity. Despite pleas otherwise,
the Warren County Coroner’s Office was adamant in their decision to not let the
group take any pictures with the sweater recipients.