By: Rodney Icle
Last Thursday, Virginia Governor, Terry McAuliff, issued a statement regarding the future of one of America's most popular vices; fidget spinning. "The danger it poses to non-spinners is too great to fathom."
He was referring to the document published by the Center for Disease Control in the week prior. The CDC claimed that spinning had been too new of a concept to determine any long lasting effects
Recently however, more and more people have been admitted to the hospital in fidget related incidences. Some were missing fingers, others were deemed too hip to be left on life support, and others still were afflicted with early, onset, arthritis in their index and middle fingers.
These reports only included spinner related incidents, and did not include the multitude of other afflictions caused by other fidget devices. From fidget cubes lodged in odd places, to squeezable stress dolls needing corrective eye surgery, the idle industry has brought forward a sizable list of new afflictions.
Insurance companies are, as of yet, uncertain how to handle the flood of policies coming in. As of now, lawyers for the major insurance companies are working around the clock in the hopes of having fidget devices deemed a pre-existing condition. Only one company has issued any statement about the issue however. The Chief Marketing Officer of, the insurance company, Anthem Blue Cross And Blue and Blue Shield have already issued an apology statement regarding their use of promotional spinners in their latest college marketing campaign.
"The second-hand effects of spinning must be taken into account." Governor McAuliffe continued, on Thursday. "We do not want our children to come into contact with a spin until they are of an age of discernment. The CDC has said that spinning has negative effects on children in utero. I for one would not be able to sleep at night thinking that, in a restaurant somewhere, there is a child being exposed to second hand spinning. Which is why, from this point forward, all spinning is banned in all restaurants and public buildings."
No word yet whether any other states will follow suit, but the issue has already attracted the attention of some protesters with spinning signs.